Tuesday, April 2, 2013

A Tough Month..2 years in the making!

So again I have have to apologize for not writing in a while it has been a tough month for me physically and mentally. So different than this month was last year. Last year on March 31st I was celebrating my 1 year cancer-versary. It was a very big milestone for me because it was a hard year. This year on my 2 year cancer-versary I didn't even bring it up, mention, or remind anyone of it because this year I just couldn't bring myself to celebrate something that has taken me and my family's life by storm. 
Am I glad that I am still here fighting two years later...that's a given, but Am I disappointed and deeply saddened that this year came with a stage 4 diagnosis and a "statistical" prognosis of having a 15 percent chance of living in the next five years..YES of course.. And I'm sorry that is just something not worth celebrating!!  

Well as I'm sure most of you have read in my FB posts, 'my chemo in a bottle' has not been so kind to me to say the least. I have been very very sick and in and out of Sloan Hospital more times than I care to even mention. 
But I am still not giving up on it and my Doctors are not giving up on me :) As of yesterday we have yet a new plan. Starting yesterday (after I could barely get myself out of bed without help and started getting rashes all over and a high fever again, even though I hadn't taken the chemo since Friday morning) the plan is to take a low dose steroid and a couple of Ibuprofen every morning with my first chemo dose, then take chemo again at dinner and at night tylenol. If this doesn't work we will try the steroid twice a day. So once again fingers crossed!! Because if it doesn't I not sure there are many other creative ways we can come up with to make my body handle this drug.

And I guess since this seems to be a bit of a "Debbie Downer" post I would also like to address another issue that has been bothering me lately. I am sure my warrior friends can relate and even those with other illnesses or that have close family members with illnesses(right Claudia)! 
Although I know most of these people have the utmost best intentions at heart.. I just can't handle any more advice or opinions on my treatment. Remember everyone I am the one living with this disease so BELIEVE ME I have well researched all my options. And I have FULL confidence in my amazing team of doctors(which are MANY) to continually fill me in on all of the new proven ways of treating Melanoma. I sincerely appreciate all the books, names of other doctors, articles, email links, natural healing methods, supplements from Germany, etc. etc. that I have been receiving in the last few months but its honestly too much. Right now I am simply just trying to get through each day, but I assure you I am doing all things possible to beat those damn statistics!!! I truly hope I have not offended anyone by saying this because like I said these people are people I love and care for and who just want to help in anyway possible. 

Well on that note what can I say to end this somewhat depressing post..lol Well maybe just that I am still laughing out loud even through my tears.. I am still here!! I am still soooooooooo very hopeful that Melanoma is about to get it's ass kicked!!! 
And of course that I truly love you all and appreciate everyones continued prayers and support.. even when you have to hear me vent just a little ; )-