Sunday, January 8, 2012

Winter Makes Me Happy!

     Well since my sun loving days are over, not that I even loved being in the sun that much because I usually "over heat" very quickly, I am glad for Winter!! In the winter I just feel a little more normal.. In the winter I don't have to worry about being outside for too long, or finding an outfit that covers my scars, or passing up going to the beach with my friends. Because as if us Melanoma patients don't have enough to worry about, we worry about the SUN! And yes sometimes we may "over" worry, I know I do, but isn't that normal to form a strong dislike of the very thing that caused our suffering!
Month 4
After my first treatment I didn't have that many side effects besides fatigue and itchy skin. I think the hardest thing about this month was learning to deal with the sun..Since this was my first summer with Melanoma and with the knowledge of the true dangers of UV rays, I was truly AFRAID of the sun. I pretty much didn't leave the house without globs of sunscreen and I would only stay outside for very short periods of time. I didn't want to go to the beach or the park or anywhere sunny. And the one time I did attempt to go to the beach, I felt very out of place. Not only was I, by far, the palest girl there, I was also the one wearing 100spf sunscreen, a coverup, a hat, and under a huge umbrella. It was such an uncomfortable experience that never went back! And this made me not only sad but mad too, why was I letting the sun ruin my summer.. a summer that I was feeling, mostly, healthy enough to enjoy. My doctors would even tell me that I can't live my life fearing the sun, that actually some "safe" sun exposure is good for you. But I just couldn't get passed it; maybe next summer will be different. I hope that it is because I don't want to spend my healthy time afraid of ANYTHING. I want to live my life to the fullest and do and experience the most I can..just as everyone should.. because frankly in life you just never know! After my last blog a good friend of the family send me a very inspirational message, she said,"Don't look back, don't look down--always look ahead to your continued journey in life, and keep on going."
And I will try my very best to do just that!! Yes there will be days that I will be sad, depressed, and asking why is this happening to me, but that's ok too because I have learned that life is made out of little moments and as long as you allow yourself to truly be happy in these tiny precious moments you are allowing yourself to LIVE!!

My second treatment was very similar to my first one, a lot of blood sucking, uncooperative veins, IV lines, and prayers of getting the good stuff! And an awesome and unconditionally loving mom right by my side, holding my hand through every step of the way : ) Side effects were also the same, mainly fatigue. 

Next month is full of a little more craziness at Sloan, some good news, and a very great adventure!!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Julie! My name is Mara, my husband and your soon to be mother-in-law Dyanne work together. I just read all of your entries as I had a nice block of time after I put the kids to are amazing! I loved your writing style, humerous, painful, breezy, deep...all in one. I'm sorry you are experiencing cancer life, I'm happy you have a great support system, moms are the best! I know this fight is not easy, I understand all too well those nasty 4 year old daughter has been fighting Leukemia for the past 2 years, 2 months and 11 days, but who's counting? We too have lost many cancer warriors on our journey and many of their moms are now my best friends. You form a kinship with these people, because they are truly the only ones who "get it". I've also lost alot of friends on this journey as well, hey, it's part of the roller coaster of life right? I can't offer you any advice, and I surely won't say the "god gives you only as much as you can handle" because that is so annoying, but I can say that I promise to read every one of your blogs, pray that you're not getting salt water, send you (((cyber hugs))) when you need them and most of all an understanding ear if you ever want to yell! My email is and my daughters website is
    I try to update with journal entries every couple of weeks. Hang in there sista!